two

i.

i caught sight of you in
a dream before i knew you
funny how our brains are
so smart and we only use
ten percent
my brain knew you before
i did

ii.

we are ships passing
in the shadows
except you know where
you want to dock and
i am still searching for
a safe place to spend my nights

iii.

i'm a black hole
and even the football stadium
spotlights are sucked
into my stomach
where a faint pulse
sounds, like a heartbeat
but the artificial kind
a coma patient on life support

iv.

october bites into our cheeks
and i cant feel your warmth through
gloves, but you give
me yours and i pretend to find
your hands inside them
you dont know that i dreamed of
you when i was young
or that i am dreaming of you again

v.

christmas brings a longing
from my patched-up black
hole, and i will crave your arms
in my bed from then on

vi.

i start to wear more swimsuits
when the seasons change,
you get to see one and its more
than you ever wanted,
you are happy and i am afraid
but also happy

vii.

you are never home
but its too hot to touch
anyways
we spend many days and
nights passing like
ships, with fingers on
screens to emulate
conversation

viii.

we prick the same fingers
on the stems of pumpkins
and we warn the other not
to touch but we are fearless and
invincible; we grasp at
stems and kiss each others
palms until the pain stops

ix.

i start to worry about
the hole in my stomach,
i wonder if you will
tear it open by mistake

x.

i feel true fear when
i labor through muggy heat
in a place supposedly cold,
i cant not think about
a hollow return
that has been picking at the scab
of my depression
i cry on the flight home

xi.

i shed my skin for
your hungry blue eyes
and wait for
dismissal, disregard,
to find affection that roots
in the deepest part of your
soul, we share twenty minutes
and do not
have lunch that day

xii.

i havent seen you in
awhile so we have dinner
it is very nice
you dont act like yourself
but it is also nice
we stargaze but the
full moon is intrusive,
i only count 18 stars

xiii.
our love is two now
it can stand on chubby
legs and cries less
than it used to,
it is doing things that
make me proud of it
already, i am proud
that i belong to it

xiv.

it has been at
least seven years since
your blue eyes spoke to me
in a dream
they tell me stories now
like a constant guardian angel
i see them each night
and long to watch
them watch me while we
fall asleep as two